Over the last couple of years there has been a steadily increasing awareness of Online Dating. Match.com have advertised for a fair while on UK TV during prime time and Singles/Speed Dating Events have been around for a while.
Most of the advice out there for Online Daters is written by Americans for Americans and again with the explosion of You Tube and other sites tutorials, advice and suchlike is in no short supply.
Very little of this stuff is helpful beyond the real basics of forming relationships.
Someone beyond their mid 20's is by and large going to have at least some significant experience of forming relationships and approaching members of the opposite (or same) sex.
Online dating from lets say a UK perspective is more problematic. We have the paid sites like Match.com and eHarmony ( they wont take my money I'm too difficult to match based on their questionnaires..) which in my experience have a very limited membership and are bloody expensive for what you get, and a bunch of sites that say they are FREE, but are not (offering only limited functionality for Free - none of which would enable you to date someone for FREE) and PlentyofFish, which is genuinely 100% free.
Volume of people, active forums and the free nature of Plentyoffish make it an ideal place to start (and possibly stay) but once you have created a profile, you need to start approaching people. Managing this process is difficult UNLESS you really don't care if you are attempting to "date" many people at once and may leave a lot of people feeling used or badly treated by you. This of course could easily rebound on you as communities have a habit of self policing.
So far my specific advice would be
1. Create a good Profile with a picture of you that represents you now (not how you were 5 years ago or your more attractive younger sibling etc) Write if for who you "think" you want to attract not as a shield against interest from ex wife types, stalkers, etc. Keep it light hearted, be humble but sell your good points.
Stick a post in the review my profile section of the forum and ask people to suggest improvements (you don't have to follow their advice and you'll get input from people in USA, UK Canada Australia - most unlikely from anyone anywhere near where you live so don't be shy)
NO time for fannying about in online dating - giggling like a 12 year old schoolboy at the thought that someone you know "might" see your picture on a dating site is pointless - chances are they wont - if they did they would be there too - and more importantly would you be embarrassed being seen at your local supermarket or pub ?
2. Decide what you realistically are looking for. Sure you might like the idea of boning that 23 year old guy from Guildford (or at least the person hes posted a picture of on his "Profile") but if you are not remotely likely to be traveling 350 miles twice a week to see him and have 4 kids, no career etc - you are probably not being realistic.) What age ranges could you see yourself dating and would be broadly "comfortable" for you. Again lets not delude ourselves that 35 year olds dating 18 year olds is "normal" not 23 years wanting kids dating 50 year olds.
This should give you a broad but realistic age range, upto distance from where you live and a sketchy outline of the person in terms of I suppose education, family situation, smoker or not etc.
3. run a search for your braodest criteria. On plentyof fish thsis will be a distance from your location of say 50 miles and an age range. Apparently your age divided by 2 plus 7 is the american model of what is normally acceptible as the youngest you should date (so in my case 40 / 2 = 20 20 +7 = 27 years). You can alter this but in many respects it isnt a bad rough guide in most cases.
The research should return you a long list. Go through it - try to read most of what people have written and (unless they are a complete not if you were the last male/female on the planet ) favorite any that are long list possibles.
Some will find out you favourited them but there is no set meaning for adding as a favorite - it does however help you "manage" your long list.
4. you should have an idea of who looks like a reasonable prospect for you - real favorites based on what they say in their Profile, their picture etc.
5. Now sit back and wait a day to get your profile feedback. Perhaps have a look round the forums.
If you have some extra time on your hands..
Do a search, Whilst signed out of your Plentyoffish account as though you were you were look ing for you i.e if you are a male looking for women 27-45 ages in 35 mile radius of Bath, run a search for a Man 27-45 years 35 miles from Bath, This gives you a feel for the "competition" since that is what you are competing with broadly. Some people will create a fake profile or user specifically for this purpose.
We will go into more detail of the next stages in a later article
Thursday, 25 June 2009
Saturday, 20 June 2009
Organised Dating Events
Well last night I went to a dating site organised evening. All very interesting and a lot of fun. Met up with somebody I had been talking to on a dating site at around midnight.
She had posted her size as "Prefer Not To Say" and she was a very big girl. 42 "professional" and drank her pint in seconds.
I had a quick chat and a dance with her and she made it quite clear I was to be buying all of her drinks by pointing at her empty glass.
Describing herself as a champagne and chocolates girl in her dating profile and letting me know in a previous email that she liked a traditional male/female set up, although a little under the influence, I was in no doubt she was after a lot more chocolate and champagne and if i came up to scratch, I'd b e paying for it.
This girl wasn't going to be into outdoor pursuits as I would be worried she would drop dead of a heart attack running for a cake never mind enjoying any kind of moderately strenuous exercise. Holidays would be expensive because she would definitely need 2 seats in economy (no lie) and of course she had a young child too.
When she had worked out that I was expecting her to buy the next round she disappeared outside for a cigarette. As she described herself as an "Occasional Smoker" this was not completely unexpected but I was left wondering how occasional with someone seemingly incapable of forgoing the next slice of chocolate cake or bottle of champagne...
When I got outside she made it clear I was no longer on the menu as she didn't extradite herself from her conversations with a couple of fellow smokers and come and sit with me. I gave her a nod and a smile and left. I walked home some 5 miles, reckoning the exercise would go someway to using up the calories I had consumed in lager.
Messaged her the next day to say I had got the message and that of course she was lovely, it was a shame etc.. Why dent a fragile ego. She messaged back saying I was a nice guy but something I said had "disturbed" her. I am sure she was right !
One of the things that is great about this type of outcome is you can move forwards with the next person free of the "baggage" and complexity of trying to juggle /woo two women at once. I know who I want to meet next and she looks lovely from her profile....
She had posted her size as "Prefer Not To Say" and she was a very big girl. 42 "professional" and drank her pint in seconds.
I had a quick chat and a dance with her and she made it quite clear I was to be buying all of her drinks by pointing at her empty glass.
Describing herself as a champagne and chocolates girl in her dating profile and letting me know in a previous email that she liked a traditional male/female set up, although a little under the influence, I was in no doubt she was after a lot more chocolate and champagne and if i came up to scratch, I'd b e paying for it.
This girl wasn't going to be into outdoor pursuits as I would be worried she would drop dead of a heart attack running for a cake never mind enjoying any kind of moderately strenuous exercise. Holidays would be expensive because she would definitely need 2 seats in economy (no lie) and of course she had a young child too.
When she had worked out that I was expecting her to buy the next round she disappeared outside for a cigarette. As she described herself as an "Occasional Smoker" this was not completely unexpected but I was left wondering how occasional with someone seemingly incapable of forgoing the next slice of chocolate cake or bottle of champagne...
When I got outside she made it clear I was no longer on the menu as she didn't extradite herself from her conversations with a couple of fellow smokers and come and sit with me. I gave her a nod and a smile and left. I walked home some 5 miles, reckoning the exercise would go someway to using up the calories I had consumed in lager.
Messaged her the next day to say I had got the message and that of course she was lovely, it was a shame etc.. Why dent a fragile ego. She messaged back saying I was a nice guy but something I said had "disturbed" her. I am sure she was right !
One of the things that is great about this type of outcome is you can move forwards with the next person free of the "baggage" and complexity of trying to juggle /woo two women at once. I know who I want to meet next and she looks lovely from her profile....
Saturday, 13 June 2009
My First Online Date
My first face to face date. She turned out to be at least 8 stones heavier than her picture and and as you'd have difficulty piling that much weight on in any shorter time, her picture on the dating site must have been her in her early 20's. Her online dating profile saying she didn't like liars as she saw no need for it !
I had known something was afoot when she kept asking me for my picture via my mobile (when it is on the dating site) and sent me 3 pictures of herself. 1st one i could see the resemblance wit hher profile picture but she looked a bit older and the last one was somewhat frightening but a shot more of her neck and chin from below....She texted me as I was a couple of miles from her town to say she knew she had pestered me to go out that night, but was now having a fit of nerves. I rang and persuaded her using her own words we were meeting as friends, but she did whine about her "jelly belly" then again what woman who isn't fit doesn't.
This ladies poison was white wine and lemonade and we met in her local (her choice). Nice enough personality but she was into her texting and got me to drive her to the kebab house before dropping her off at home.
She had been less than attentive at times during the date - which was spent sat outside in smokers corner where she could comment on the goings on in the neighbourhood and who was in trouble if they mum caught them etc. Friends let slip about her case of cervical cancer and how she hadn't thought she could have children. She told me about her brother in prison that had stolen a fortune from her and the threats and cash payouts she had had to make to his drug dealers.
Conversation generally was pretty good but she musty have cottoned on to my general lack of interest in her sexually as some of the topics I brought up were not so female friendly. Then again she was getting progressively more drunk and I wasn't because I was driving.
She sure had had bit of a rough time and I felt sorry for her, but her career was on track. I might try and keep in touch with this lady to give her some moral support but maybe thats not going to help her so I need to give it some thought.
I had known something was afoot when she kept asking me for my picture via my mobile (when it is on the dating site) and sent me 3 pictures of herself. 1st one i could see the resemblance wit hher profile picture but she looked a bit older and the last one was somewhat frightening but a shot more of her neck and chin from below....She texted me as I was a couple of miles from her town to say she knew she had pestered me to go out that night, but was now having a fit of nerves. I rang and persuaded her using her own words we were meeting as friends, but she did whine about her "jelly belly" then again what woman who isn't fit doesn't.
This ladies poison was white wine and lemonade and we met in her local (her choice). Nice enough personality but she was into her texting and got me to drive her to the kebab house before dropping her off at home.
She had been less than attentive at times during the date - which was spent sat outside in smokers corner where she could comment on the goings on in the neighbourhood and who was in trouble if they mum caught them etc. Friends let slip about her case of cervical cancer and how she hadn't thought she could have children. She told me about her brother in prison that had stolen a fortune from her and the threats and cash payouts she had had to make to his drug dealers.
Conversation generally was pretty good but she musty have cottoned on to my general lack of interest in her sexually as some of the topics I brought up were not so female friendly. Then again she was getting progressively more drunk and I wasn't because I was driving.
She sure had had bit of a rough time and I felt sorry for her, but her career was on track. I might try and keep in touch with this lady to give her some moral support but maybe thats not going to help her so I need to give it some thought.
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