Zoom - Fat Larry's Band

Zoom, just one look and then my heart went boom
Suddenly and we were on the moon
Flying high on the neon sky, oh

Bang, just one touch and
All the church bells rang
Heaven called and all the angel sang
Sunrise shine in the morning sky, oh

Zoom, you chase the day away
High noon, the moon
And stars came out to play
Then my whole wide world went zoom
(I passed the rainbow as it went flying by
Faster and faster we were higher than high)
For once in my lifetime I was finally free
And you came back to me

Oh, zoom you chase the day away High noon
The moon and stars came out to play
Then my whole world went zoom

Moonbeams dancing in the afternoon
Shadows blowing as the roses bloom
Looking down on a wonderland, oh

Smack, just one kiss and I was outta whack
All at once there was no turnin' back
Oh so far above the brightest star, oh

Transaction based "love"

"So they are single because ultimately they are seeing relationships as transactions, the other person is an object.

Insert coin A (do anything, anywhere, anytime) into slot and receive prize B (relationship, love, affection, commitment, happiness, expected behavior).


Most people don't like to be viewed that way, as though they have to live up to the expectations of another, nor do they enjoy accruing social obligation payments."

Romeo and Juliet (1968) The Balcony Scene (with English Transcript) Part 2

Gorilla fingers itself

masturbating monkey

Let´s do it like they do on the discovery channel...

You and me baby

Elephant Sex Borat Approved

dog sex puke

Ha Ha

"A woman shopping at Adsa takes a fancy to the young lad who is filling her shopping bags, and she thinks to herself "what a nice bum and lovely blue eyes, what I couldn't do to him".

She stands waiting, feeling very horny and, after paying, she says, "excuse me, but is there any chance of you helping me to carry my shopping to the car?",
"Certainly Madam, no problem at all".

So off they set over the car park, walking behind him makes her even randier and she blurts out, "I've got a delicious itchy fanny", he replies, "You'd better point it out then Madam, all them Japanese cars look the same to me"."

--------------------------

A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. 

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do you know me?"

She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!"

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, he says "are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my rear?"

"No", she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher".

Sex Positions

Testicular Cancer Self Exam

vagina exam

male genitalia examination

Gay Education

Wanking

According to a survey by Durex, the Swiss are the biggest wankers in the world.  96% of swiss adults wank.

http://www.durex.com/en-GB/SexualWellbeingSurvey/InTheBedroom/pages/default.aspx

Causes of intimate dryness

Causes of intimate dryness

The causes of intimate dryness are well understood and are commonly associated with women's every day activities and life stage changes. Using Sensilube during these times helps gently replace lost moisture so you feel more comfortable and reassured.

• Hormonal changes including menopause and childbirth
• Stress
• Use of medication
• Sensitivity to sanitary and perfumed products
• Sex

Hormonal changes:

Around pregnancy and/or childbirth
During pregnancy or following childbirth, significant hormonal changes can cause a decrease in the levels of intimate moisture. This is a short term change and usually levels recover once breast feeding has finished.
Using Sensilube during these times helps gently replace lost moisture so you feel more comfortable and reassured.
During and after menopause
During menopause, the production of the hormone oestrogen decreases which can trigger the development of intimate dryness. Menopause typically occurs in women between the ages of 45 and 60 years and approximately 44% of menopausal women experience some kind of intimate dryness during this time.
Using Sensilube during these times helps gently replace lost moisture so you feel more comfortable and reassured.

Stress

During periods of nervousness and stress the body produces less moisture which can result in dryness around the eyes, the mouth and in intimate areas.
Using Sensilube during these times helps gently replace lost moisture so you feel more comfortable and reassured.

Medication

Some medicines such as the contraceptive pill, anti-depressants, anti-histamines and diuretics can cause intimate dryness by impacting intimate secretion levels. Treatments for health issues such as chemotherapy and kidney dialysis may also impact moisture levels.
Using Sensilube during these times helps gently replace lost moisture so you feel more comfortable and reassured.

Sensitivity to sanitary and perfumed products

Some sanitary and wash products used in the intimate area can cause irritation and trigger dryness. Use of pads instead of tampons can help prevent this as well as avoiding heavily perfumed soaps and washes.
Additionally, using Sensilube during these times can help to ease discomfort

Sex

A lack of intimate moisture can impact women’s ability to have sex and enjoy it.
An absence of stimulation, excitation or desire can all impact intimate moisture levels during sex which can in turn cause tension, anxiety and pain.
Continuing to have sex without adequate moisture can exaggerate soreness.
Naturally replacing lost moisture with Sensilube can help relieve this discomfort.

BANNED Adam and Eve, the gay version

Durex Play Ultra

A Review ... lol...oh how we laughed !

"I chose this as it said it is reusable. I thought they meant you could change the batteries. No, it means that there is a rubbery type ring thing to which you insert these 'pods' that vibrate. Each lasting 20 mins and two in a pack, then you have to throw it away.

The packaging is excessive as it comes in a plastic tub, I can only think it is to make you think you are getting more than you are.

Try and get your man to put that on his bits only if he is hair free! Otherwise you will be in trouble! It is rubbery and pulls hairs!

It is now stuck in my bedside table draw and can't see me getting it out again.

  I think the description is misleading."

Are you?

The Sexual Beast
The Passionate Lover
The Tantric Master
The Shapeshifter

or all of them ?

What Type of Guy are You ?

The Perpetual Lovemaker
The Emotionless Robot
The Monotonous Plodder
The Bedroom Technician

Frozen Sex Aids

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Sex Positions - Butterfly

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Sex Positions

http://www.sexinfo101.com/sexualpositions.shtml

Condom Commercial

Banned Commercial - Condoms

SpinGasm - Turbo-Charges your Fleshlight or Sex in a Can

Spingasm

DUREX play massagers "/ Vibrators

Durex - It's Time To Play (Vibrator)

Durex Play Ring

Durex Play O Opera Advertisement

Female Masturbation Guide

Masturbation gives women the opportunity to explore their body while at the same time giving them a high degree of sexual freedom. It allows them the opportunity to experience sexual pleasure without relying on a partner, and to release sexual tension when they feel the need to.

Masturbation can be a very empowering learning tool for women - it teaches them about their bodies, and how it responds to sexual stimulation. Many normal and healthy women only experience Orgasmwhile masturbating, or find it is their most intense type of orgasm. Masturbation is the first and most important sexual skill a woman should learn, as it holds the key to enjoying other forms of sexual activity. Ideally, this skill is commenced early in life (preferably prior to the age of five), but far too often it is not learned until a woman is in her late teens or early twenties. This stems from the incorrect notion that children are entirely devoid of sexuality and that they must be protected from its 'evils'. Children, especially infants, are incredibly curious individuals who will undoubtedly discover masturbation on their own. A parent, if they discover their child masturbating, should not chastise them for it, but rather, tell them about appropriate private and public behaviour.

However, not all women have negative views of masturbation, nor indeed do all women feel the need to masturbate. The point is that women are increasingly developing more positive attitudes towards masturbation and the pleasure it can bring them. If given the opportunity, women will often discuss their masturbation habits with pride, without the least amount of guilt.

Common Misconceptions

In spite of the sexual revolution, female masturbation is still somewhat taboo. Even though popular songs, movies and television make mention of female masturbation, it is not a common topic of discussion. People are more likely to make mention of Male Masturbation than female. It is a given that males masturbate, but for females, even though it might be commonly accepted that they do it, they are not expected to. If a woman does not know that her peers masturbate and that they presume that she does, she is less likely to do it ... or if she does, she feels guilty for doing so. Since many women do not generally talk about it, it is often presumed that they do not masturbate.

Another common misconception of women is that if they have a partner, they should not feel the need to masturbate. Or if they are single, that masturbating would reinforce their single status; in other words, if they were not single, they would not have to masturbate. So instead of masturbating, some go in search of a partner. This is not the best solution and typically results in unfulfilled desires.

Since masturbation is seen as a "solo" activity, some women with partners do not feel it is appropriate for them to masturbate. If they have a partner, it is believed that their sexual activities with them should fulfil all their sexual needs. While a nice ideal, in real life a lot of women's sexual needs are not met fully by their partner, no matter how good and loving a partner they have. For women with partners, it is important that they understand that it is perfectly healthy and normal for them to masturbate, and they should do so without feeling guilty. For many women the frequency with which they masturbate should not change when they go from being single to having a sexual partner. Some women may find they masturbate even more when they have a partner, as having a partner makes them feel more sexual, and increases their desire for sex and sexual pleasure.

While it is certainly untrue, the majority of people believe that women are less sexual than men. We are led to believe that women think about sex and desire sex much less. Society creates outcasts of women who are openly sexual. This results in women believing they should not have strong sexual feelings and desires. Unfortunately, many women are ashamed to admit they become ‘horny’. This results in women introverting and denying their own sexual feelings and desires. While a woman's desire for sex may change with time as the result of hormonal influences, they are overall just as sexual as men. If a woman accepts that she is equally as sexual as a man, she is more likely to feel comfortable with her desire to masturbate.

Why Masturbate?

The main reason a woman should masturbate is because it feels good. Women with strong sex drives may masturbate frequently, but a woman should not forgo masturbating just because she does not have a strong sex drive. Even if she has no desire for partner sex, she should still enjoy giving herself pleasure. The fact that pre-adolescent girls masturbate proves that hormonally induced sex drives are not the only reason to masturbate; young girls do it for no other reason than it feels good. There is nothing wrong with a woman giving herself pleasure on a daily basis, or as often as she desires. For masturbation to be pleasurable it does not have to end in orgasm. Masturbation may involve nothing more than placing your hands against your vulva when you go to sleep at night, simply because it feels good.

There are times in all relationships when a partner is not available for sex when you desire it, even when they sleep beside you. Couples frequently have different levels of sex drive, and expectations regarding physical intimacy. This is why women frequently masturbate secretively in the shower, or masturbate silently in the early morning hours while their sleeping partner lies beside them. Masturbating when you have a partner is normal and a woman should not feel ashamed for doing so. Most women have probably done it at some point in their relationship. It is often a necessity. Forgoing masturbation and sexual pleasure when you need it simply because you have a partner does harm to you and your relationship, because you will slowly begin to blame them for your sexual frustration. As your sexual frustration grows, so does your frustration with the relationship.

If a woman does not know how to sexually satisfy herself, then how can she expect her partner to know? Learning about her own body, how it responds and then teaching this to her partner is a great way to ensure that she gets the most out of her whole sexual experience. Don’t be shy ladies … share that knowledge and you will never regret it!

Masturbation Techniques

Women and girls masturbate in an endless list of ways. Common methods are, massaging of the clitoris with hands and fingers, rubbing the vulva up against pillows, bed cloths, stuffed animals and furniture, etc. The vagina appears to play a limited role in the masturbation practices of women, but vaginal penetration during masturbation is by no means unusual or uncommon. Some women employ anal and/or nipple stimulation in addition to clitoral and vaginal stimulation.

It is important to understand that there is no "correct" or "right" way to masturbate. Some women feel they should be able to masturbate to orgasm using a different or more correct method because they hear other women do it that way. It is important to keep in mind that each woman's anatomy is slightly different and her psychological makeup is quite different. This results in every woman masturbating differently, even if they use the same basic technique. While some women can masturbate to orgasm employing several different techniques, others find they can reach orgasm only when they use the same method each time. There is nothing wrong with this. Due to conditioning and the differences in women's bodies, learning new techniques for some can be difficult. If you are orgasmic with your current masturbation technique, feel free to experiment, but do not feel you have to reach orgasm in other ways. Remember, masturbation is supposed to be fun and enjoyable, no matter how you do it.

Here are some tips for the beginner - or anyone looking to improve their repertoire:

The Beginner

When you have relaxed your body lie on a bed, or sit in a comfortable chair, and explore your nude or semi-nude body. Run your fingers and hands across your body. Explore your breasts and play with your nipples; caress your legs and thighs. Cup your vulva in your hand and gently rub in small circles. Stimulate your body, but do not try to reach orgasm. Make yourself feel good. If you feel yourself get tense, stop what you are doing, breath deeply and relax. Do this exercise as often as possible, but for no longer than 20 minutes per session. Do not tire or stress yourself out. The point of this exercise is to make you feel good while staying relaxed, not to have an orgasm. You want to feel a little aroused, but at peace - not compelled to go further.
After you become comfortable exploring and touching your body you will want to try more direct means of stimulating your vulva. Slip your fingers between the folds of your vulva and massage and play with your inner labia, perhaps pulling on them lightly or firmly. Slip your fingers up to the top of your vulva and place them on top of your clitoris. Gently move your fingers up and down, around, and perhaps even wildly jiggle them. Make the loose tissue covering your clitoris slide across the body and glans of your clitoris. If you feel a need to be filled, insert a finger or two into your vagina. You want to make yourself feel really good, but you do not want to intentionally try to have an orgasm. If an orgasm occurs, you want it to be a total surprise. If you are thinking about having an orgasm, you need to slow down, relax, and redirect your thoughts. You do not want your brain to know you are about to have an orgasm.
You may not experience orgasm the first few times, so do not try to. Just enjoy the pleasures of touching yourself. If you get to a point where you suddenly find your body is super-tense, you are trying too hard. Try to enjoy yourself, not orgasm. You want to surprise yourself with an orgasm. If you feel yourself on the verge of orgasm, but cannot get there, you are probably trying too hard; you cannot force your body to have an orgasm. The more you concentrate on trying to have an orgasm, the less likely you are to have one.

Clitoral Stimulation

Using your hands and fingers, stimulate (rub, stroke, pinch, etc) the clitoris with one or more fingers or the palm of your hand. Some find direct contact with the clitoris too intense, and prefer stimulation near or around the clitoris. Others prefer to have a layer of clothing or some other fabric between the hand and clitoris. Try it both ways and see what works best for you.

G-Spot Stimulation

Inserting a vibrator or dildo into the vagina can help locate and stimulate your G-spot and offers a feeling of fullness in the vagina. You can locate your G-spot with your fingers, but it's difficult to provide adequate stimulation through manual masturbation. Women who enjoy stimulation of the G-spot usually employ sexual toys to make it easier and more enjoyable.

Vibrators

Vibrators are used primarily for clitoral stimulation, though many women also use them for vaginal or anal stimulation. They also may be combined with other toys and used in any number of positions. A good, discrete alternative to a vibrator for clitoral or anal stimulation is a massage wand. However, massage wands cannot be used for vaginal or anal penetration. To check out a wide selection of sex toys, please see our Sex Toy Reviews.

Common, Everyday Objects

Rub your clitoris against any soft, non-abrasive object (e.g., a pillow, the corner of a couch, etc.) and see if you enjoy the stimulation it provides.

Showers

A detachable shower-head can be quite scintillating for just about any woman. The best shower available is the ones with the versatile control that switches the water from a steady stream to a pulsating jet spray. In hot tubs, avoid sending strong streams of water into the vagina; in extreme cases this can cause fatal air embolism!

Play O (UTOPIA) Orgasmic Gel by Durex

Try Play O ... it is an unscented gel to be applied to the cllitoris and surrounding area. It uses a combination of ingredients designed to stimulate, increase desire and bring intense orgasms. We rated it a 8.5/10! Click here to check out our detailed review.

Conclusion

In closing, there is no right way to masturbate and there is no specific number of times you should do it per week. As long as you feel comfortable with the frequency at which you masturbate and the pleasure it provides you, then keep on doing it. Masturbation is normal and should be pleasurable, so find out what you like the best and then show your partner, if you have one, how they can help please you properly.

Female Orgasm

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Techno Viking - Fagotry

Get some swagger, but maybe go easy on the drugs.

Strut Your Stuff

Get down and dirty on the dancefloor.      These instructional videos will teach you how.

http://www.hip-hop-dance.net/1-9422b.html
http://www.hip-hop-dance.net/2-4811b.html
http://www.hip-hop-dance.net/3-3384b.html
http://www.hip-hop-dance.net/4-6844b.html
 http://www.hip-hop-dance.net/5-7270b.html
http://www.hip-hop-dance.net/6-3563b.html
http://www.hip-hop-dance.net/7-3792b.html
http://www.hip-hop-dance.net/8-1257b.html

Don't feel physically repelled by them !

Netdoctor has high expectations for that first date.    Remember this guys ....she may not be head over heals about you if she is following this type of advice.!

"

First dates

First dates can be frightening and fraught, so don't expect too much. All you really need to establish is that you are comfortable with the other person and you don't feel physically repelled by them.

Try to do something that does not expect too much of either of you. A movie is a good choice and then dinner afterwards. That way you can at least chat about the film.

Or you might prefer just to meet for a quick drink. Better to underestimate how much time you'll want to spend together than be lumbered with each other for a whole evening."

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/interactive/gallery/main.php?g2_itemId=972&g2_tab_id=74&g2_GALLERYSID=TMP_SESSION_ID_DI_NOISSES_PMT

Is he into Me ?

"Do you tell him that his being flaccid is a deal breaker if you want the relationship to continue? 


Perhaps you just don't know: Guys are flaccid 99.99% of every day. Even sitting in a strip bar, an erection doesn't last more than a few minutes if that. Yeah, some days are exceptional, and it's possible to regain an erection multiple times over an hour, but the natural state is FLACCID.

Y'know, the end of the blue pill commercial that says "Call your doctor if you have an erection lasting more than 4 hours." ... ? Yeah - something is seriously wrong - and a guy would know that in 30 minutes, not 4 hours, they're just giving an arbitrary time limit to give a guy a chance to be sure, way, way beyond a reasonable doubt that something is wrong.

So hey - the next time you think being flaccid is unnatural, try standing on your head for 8 hours a day and see if that feels right.

Your B.O.B. is not designed to work like a real penis - it's built to be handled differently, easily operated, and easily cleaned. Maybe a conversation with your doctor might give you some clues.

BTW - Announcing your deal-breaker won't make him hard."

More here ....

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14197257.aspx

Kenneth Williams

"That Kenneth Williams was bloody brilliant in those Carry On films, when he did that face and said 'ooh, matron'."

Mumsnet - On Vasectomy

Hi, my Dh (dear husband)  had the snip a couple of years ago, and he found it to be a very traumatic experience. Being surrounded by 3 female nurses starkers whist the surgeon injected and cut into his 'crown jewels' left him very badly rattled - he actually broke down in tears on more than one occasion afterwards and I had to do my best to comfort him through what felt like a menopause to him.

In addition he had on-going discomfort for up to a year, and doesn't seem as interested in sex. All in all, it seems to have knocked the stuffing out of him a bit and altered his self-esteem. I can't really explain it, but whilst the operation was a success - (6 months for the all-clear)- it has not brought us closer together at all.

In addition to this, what he has read subsequently has left him feeling quite angry and deceived about the long-term complications of the procedure from a doubling in the risk of kidney stones to a fear of an increased risk of developing prostate cancer (as shown in many studies apparently).

When he finally spoke to the hospital about his discomfort, they eventually admitted that studies show from 10-30% go on to develop chronic discomfort.

He was told also by the NHS hospital which carried out the procedure that 10% of men pass out during the procedure from something called vaso-vagal shock - but the medical profession desn't like to mention it in case 'it puts some men off'.

I have come around to his thinking that there is a lot more to 'the snip' than you are led to believe. I hope this helps, even though I appreciate it isn't totally reassuring, it is better to be pre-warned and get as much info as you can. Also, I wish I had been better equipped to support DH afterwards.

More here .....http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/dadsnet/897314-Vasectomy

Female anatomy - well some of it

Bollocks

Note how the bollock is actually contained within the structure of the spermatic chord = like a bag.

So a scrotum is the outer bag and within it there are 2 bollocks both contained within their own spermatic chord (bag).     It is the spermatic chords' cremasteric muscles that raise and lower the bollocks within the scrotum.

Testicular torsion --- ouch !

Scrotal Trauma - i.e. what could happen if you are kicked in the bollocks 

Severe testicular injury is uncommon and usually results from either a direct blow to the scrotum or a straddle injury. Damage occurs when the testis is forcefully compressed against the pubic bones. A spectrum of injuries may occur.

Traumatic epididymitis is a noninfectious inflammatory condition that usually occurs within a few days after a blow to the testis. Treatment is similar to that for nontraumatic epididymitis.

Scrotal trauma can also result in intratesticular hematoma, hematocele or laceration of the tunica albuginea (testicular rupture). Color Doppler ultrasonography is the imaging technique of choice.¹³ Surgical referral is required because testicular rupture requires immediate drainage and repair. Hematomas and hematoceles are managed on an individual basis.

Plenty more to read here about bollock pain

http://www.aafp.org/afp/990215ap/817.html

Vasectomy - what's the big deal?

I think men are not looking at this logically...

If your partner wants you to get a vasectomy... then negotiate on it....

1... Tell her your going to need a 60"+ Plasma screen and Blu Ray Player to watch while you're recovering... and maybe an XBOX360 too... maybe surround sound, and a really good remote control... ( The remote is actually so you don't feel guilty for making her change the channels etc...)
2... Point out to her that you feel embarrassed now that you are no longer a man and that you could never show your face around HER inlaws again... She should understand.... Then you won't have to go to their place and ideally she won't invite then over...
3... Tell her that she needs to keep bringing you cold beers for at least 2 weeks as beer is good for keeping you from getting a 'painfully traumatic' erection during the recovery time...
4... You will need lots of protein to help your recovery... so she should be cooking steaks on the BBQ everynight... (See #3 again)
5... Point out to her that she should be helping your 'manly' self esteem by insisting on performing oral on you more often than before the surgery...(after you have recovered...)
6... Point out to her that to be on the safe side to make sure all the 'swimmers' are gone, that once you recover, she should only perform oral for at least 6 months.... and that you'll reciprocate once you feel 'manly' again...
7... For the next couple of years, remember to look like you're in pain if you have to do chores that she could do, like mowing the grass, shovelling the snow... Remind her of how you "Took one for the team..." Ideally she will get you a beer and help you to the couch and grab the remote for you, before going out to finish the lawn, driveway etc...
8... Now you and the once male dog (women like to experiment on the family dog before they get their men neutered) can sit on the porch and every once in a while, heave a sigh.... Remember to share a bit of your beer with the dog... Afterall, you can always yell for her to get you another one... (Remember to wince painfully after yelling...)