All The Lovers - Part 1

------------------------------------
"M - Let me be very honest here hun - the last relationship I had was based on D/s - I loved it!

I enjoy being submissive when a man is dom enough to bring it out in me. I adore all things rope related, love being spanked and disciplinned and bloody nora I'm never going to find that on a vanilla site!! lol

OnlineDater - and yet he went back to his wife"
------------------------------------


Dating mail comes in two forms really. The replies to the approaches you made and people approaching you first.

So after a hectic 6 weeks or so ... here are all the lovers that were not to be or are simmering away in the background.

M or S. 32 Met her for an evening of drinking in her home town. I got drunk she was very very very fat and not attractive at all physically. She later revealed that she liked being tied up and dominated. That's her above. We are talking grossly overweight. Not just 3 stones ... you get the idea.

No sex from her older husband for years. He never went on holiday with her in 7 plus years of marriage and he was a lot older than her too. Split up. She met a magician.. had fling..

I suggsted she was on rebound still after only a few months out of her marriage and one boyfriend down already, defending her ex for the indefensible and taking everything said to heart as though it was a critisism of her rather than an expression of concern that she had not been treated very nicely.

After the date a few days went by .. then we cleared the air ..

m - you dont want a partner you want someone you can pull apart and who will agree with your every statement and hang on your every word while throwing themselves at your feet and begging to be shagged!

OnlineDater - er no ...evidence ?

M - Your entire attitude it screams that

OnlineDater - sounds like you are projecting you s/d on to me there

M - nope you dont have the makings of a dom, you dont have the strength of character for it

OnlineDater - ok im glad about that I dont want to dominate women in that way

M - no you just want to twist them into a mini version of you and dont like it when they wont be manipulated or impressed by your utterly charming persona

OnlineDater - evidence for that ? I think tying women up and dominating them sounds like a piece of piss to me .. but hey what would I know. I wanted nothing from you when we met other than some conversation

M - no you got well pissy when you were told you werent staying the night, you wouldnt let the subject drop and you even tried to guilt me into changing my mind so dont even pull that crap with me!

OnlineDater - lol .. ok dream on I dint offer to tie you up and degrade you did I ?

M - Trust me you arent a dream, you're the stuff nightmares are made of

Online dater - you are projecting again

M - you have no idea how to treat a woman, you drink like a fish and want to get laid - end of

Online dater - again was I too "charming" or was it because I didn't hurl insults and demand to tie you up ?
The last thing on my mind was getting laid

M - bollocks

We wished each other well and well, that was that. Her profile now asks for dominant men. All that from a nurse eh ... !

M - She was early 30's with a 7 year old daughter.

"Worn out after reading your profile not sure if we where to meet up that I would get a word in,lol off for a week dare I say to the Lakes. Have a look at my profile see if you fancy a chat."

Very pretty woman but she had clearly turned around a larger her by going to the gym and she was distant, unhappy and it showed through - unfortunately. Her father had disowned her as a teenager and you got the feeling that was a problem she still hadn't put to rest, such that she could love another guy. she had a a career, a daughter, her mother and siblings, friends nearby but she wasn't "happy".

Well we met . Short one in a pub one afternoon for an hour. She moved quickly to a meet with very little conversation in between. No time to build any rapport much less get to know each other before meeting. That means you end up fishing about for conversation and it is very easy to put your foot in it without the opportunity to qualify. Comes down to pure physical attraction really. No opportunity to strut your stuff.

If people are going to do this they need to be sure of themselves and robust. No point having a past that's too painful to look back into or a chip on your shoulder. Experienced guys and girls will want to know a lot about you and they see through the superficial stuff and want to get to the real you. the reasons your relationships have failed, why the father of your child isn't hanging around and what your relationship with your parents is like.

It is not that we don't appreciate the art of seduction, but we too want to move things on and can'r afford to be wining and dining the wrong people for weeks and months before we get to the detail. A lot of this detail can be covered initially over the telephone before a meeting so the date itself can be far more "fun" and less like an interview !

J. 32. Never married. No kids but had left her relationship and admirably gone to look after a friends after she died and her husband found it hard to cope. Intelligent woman, wasn't that physically attractive to me on closer inspection but you couldn't fault her heart. never met because she found another guy. Some guy, on superficial evidence has gotten himself a gem and that's nice ! However.. she is still logging onto the site.. Was it all a lie just to let me down nicely ? Who knows. It is hard to juggle several interested people at once.

S 41 We met in the pub after a few weeks exchanging superficial flirty mail and mainly texts. She is a big girl that wasn't about to be honest on her profile (said she was "average" but was fun. She really does need to loose some weight and realise that in her 40's she can be a sexy woman but there is competition out there for successful "nice" guys and most of them do not want someone that is many many many stones overweight. You struggle to find the correct aperture for sex..that's not good !

When the child is leaving home soon, ladies you have a great life ahead of you if you choose to go get it.. a bit of effort to loose 16 years of "don't give a shit" about your weight will pay dividends. You could see S was a cracker in her youth.

More in All The Lovers - Part 2 ...