What was in his bed ?

From a forum post

"When I first was seeing my ex we bought a couple of kittens and they lived at his batchelor flat.

One weekend I blitzed his room because it was so disgusting and realised that his bedding hadn't been washed for some considerable time.

However when I took the duvet cover off I found a fully decomposed mouse in it, the body fluids having seeped into the duvet.

This thing had been there for ages, and I'd been sleeping under it. The poor thing must've been brought in by the cats and crawled into the bedding and died.

Another lovely thing found by my ex was a piece of Xmas mince pie in his belly button "

Dating: Understanding Men : How to Turn a Guy On

Relationship & Dating Advice : How to Attract a Gentleman

Dating Advice for Women: Episode 1 - Love or Lust?

Old Gas Bag

From a forum post

"Recently, an older co-worker confided to me about a problem that occured to her when she got into her 50's...chronic gas! She swears she's seen her dr for testing & even had a colonoscopy- all coming back normal. She has tried eliminating things from her diet for intervals & still has chronic gas (Thank goodness she sits near the ladies room-she runs in there often!) I know she used to be a member in the Red Hat Society & belonged to other clubs & even dated for a while after her husband passed away. But now she limits her activities due to gas...

I told her about the forums & over 45 & she begged me to post this, to see if anyone else had this problem & any solutions...
signed,
co-worker who has to sit next to the "gasbag""

Follow the advice here...

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts13977486.aspx

28,000 Friends ...

You and your 28, 000 friends. Can't you try and find some room for me in your life ?

She.

"She walks in Beauty, like the night
Of cloudness climes and starry skies,
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes..."


--Lord Byron

Follow The Moonbeams

the moon will bring me to you
riding her smiling light, I'll know you
in that moment of glistening silver
she beckons us to our mortal quiver

while loveglow shines upon your face 
your soft delight is mine to know
in this warm and sacred space
as I touch you softly so
and place my lips there
taste you everywhere

your sweetest touch and lovers grace
scatters the moonbeams behind my eyes
in her pale peace foundation lies
there in your arms and starlit skies 
that shines upon your precious intention
bathes me in your night's reflection

shadow me in your secrets warm
cradle me into dreams yet borne 
as silently the sunlight creeps
and dew drops her morning weep
she'll bless me with someone
who will ride the moon
she'll bless me with love
bless me with you

Harry Enfield - The Conjugal Rights Guide

Why You Might Never Have A Girlfriend

http://en.nothingisreal.com/wiki/Why_I_Will_Never_Have_a_Girlfriend

I will be quite dead before I find the proverbial girl of my dreams. Come to think of it, she'll probably be dead too.


Check out the reasoning in the Original post.    The logic of this gem of dating advice applies to women to..


http://en.nothingisreal.com/wiki/Why_I_Will_Never_Have_a_Girlfriend

Are there any men over 40 left who want a committed relationship?

"I am 47....I have been single now going on 3 years. When I was younger men were always falling in love with me and wanting to marry me 6 mos or so. Now that I am older and want a relationship.Every guy I strart to really enjoy, and He shows me that he is interested as well..doen't really want what I consider a girlfriend...They all seem to just want to be free....???? Do men at my age even still want committment other than just being exclusive? I am begining to think I am broken or something...Or is this just the way things are these days????"


http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts12011290.aspx

Sex while she's having her period ?

"Never bothered me, as long as it wasn't like a technicolor 'poseidon adventure.'

Now the muff pizza with extra sauce - that's a whole nuther delicacy for some guys.  "


Follow the rest here...


http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14133465.aspx

Why Did He Ask me why I said No To a Date ?

"It's a sales tactic called identifying the objection. Once you find out why the customer doesn't want to buy X you can shift the focus from the sale to the close by overcoming the objection. In other words if you told him he was ugly he would offer to get a facelift, or wear a paper sack over his head."

Giant Cock

Fat Boy

Fat Boy is talking to a lovely lady right now !!!

She looks like a more attractive Liv Tyler ... woo hooo !

Fatty loves online dating !

Dating The Jailbirds

From a forum post

"First of all it has nothing to do with your age. Now I am going to share a little history for all of those women to hear that keep refering to men as dogs. 


I dated a girl I was interested in. She was very attractive and she was very nice to me. She asked me to go to Louisiana with her which I did only to find out she had a boyfriend there whom she slept with as I slept on the couch. 


A few weeks later she calls me from jail asking for my help. I couldn't get her out of jail but she wanted me to visit her, so I did and she fooled me again. Next thing you know I am driving two hours to visit her once a week for 3 years. 


I put money on her commisary on a regular basis. I payed to have her mother sent here from Germany. I helped to pay for an attorney. When she finally came up for parole I ask her to get permission to parole out to me. Instead she paroles out to one of her inmates friends. She called me to let me know her release date and wanted me to be there. 


I told her to **** off and not to bother seeing me at all. About a year later she calls me and wants to see me again. I helped her get a job and went to see her on a regular basis. 


I never once asked her for sex and when I finally did, she said stop acting like a man. 


So now when I go out on dates, sex is just part of the deal, doesn't have to be the first date, doesn't have to be the second but don't think wrong of me when I say women no longer hold the clock. 


I know I was young and stupid but not someone that just goes around trying to get laid."


Self analysis is good !  

BDSM and the Demise of Corporal Punishment In Schools..

From a forum post

"As an old codger who went through the Legalized brutality system called 'Public Schools for Boys' in the 40's and 50's, I think more of my education was rammed up my rectum in the form of' Six of the Best' than ever went in through my ears!

If you blubbered whilst receiving your punishment, you got a couple more, and if you neglected to Thank the Master for administering your 'just rewards', he'd bend you over again and add another 3 at least!

Not only at school, either. If you misbehaved in public, any adult had the right to smack you around the head.poke you with an umbrella etc.

My worst day was getting caught scrumping gooseberries. The farmer let a billy goat into the field, and after managing to escape that animal, I was caught by the farmer..given a hiding, passed to the village constable, who thumped me again. He took me home to my parents, and explained what had happened..needless to say I got larruped again...and then he went and told the local school Head master, who handed out a few more in front of the school at assembly next morning...I had let the school down as well as my parents!
I had difficulties for days trying not to squirm in my seat and get yet another lot for fidgeting in class.

No sooner left school, than I was called into in the forces, as conscription was still in effect, and another couple of years of learning discipline and being made a Man of by another bunch of sadists...LOL!

However..I don't think it did me any harm in the long run. Taught me to deal with the hard knocks life can throw at you along the way, and I honestly feel sorry for today's wrapped in cotton wool generations ..they are in for a rude awakening when they get into the Real World."

Read more here 

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts11930070.aspx

Kicking Back

This week I have decided to kick back and give the dating site a miss.

Although I am in sporadic but regular contact with my latest bed fellow, she has not exactly been gagging for it and I am definitely beginning to feel,  yes ... "used".

I have had 2-3 unattractive ladies playing an ineffectual game of sending me mails with little information in.  one has a photo with her profile and is off my menu, the other has no photo and seems to think I must want her and need to chase her.     Another is just plain ugly (to me and i suspect most of the seeing male population) but she should go away quietly with mails returned to her that are as inspiring and intellectually stimulating as the ones she feels are appropriate to interest me.

So as of today, I have 2 irons in the fire 4 on the starting block and 8 non runners.

A week off is just what I need to let the dating dust settle.

The bite marks have almost healed too !

How can a man with cupped ears attract women?

Yes folks .. it is another forum post ..... 


"Hi, I'm new to the forums. I was active on the dating part of the site. However, I stopped looking for someone because my picture ratings were around a 1 or 2. I have deformed cupped ears. It has been very difficult to attract a good woman. I'm black, slender, wear glasses(I can't wear contacts because of medical reasons), and is 20 years old. I have never been kissed, had a date, and a relationship. Women show me no interest. Currently I'm going to college and living on campus. I'm not a black stereotype, and only prefer to date white women. I honestly would date a black woman, but sadly a lot of them on campus fit into the unattractive negative stereotype.

May some people give me advice? "







Answers on a post card or follow the rest of the debate here ..

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14133438.aspx

How to Kiss a Woman You've Just Met (Pickup Artist)

Dating Losers

Dreaded Angles

http://www.officialdatingresource.com/beware-the-dreaded-myspace-angles-pics//

Try It. It Really Works !

[

Supermarket Seduction

We all know about the belief that the supermarket is a great place to cruise for single men and women. This guy has a new angle.

All I Want Is Loving Woman

I don't think this one fits the bill...

Mad First Date 2

No Thanks...

A Christian viewpoint On Sexual Performance

Taken from a Plenty Of Fish Forum

"Hmmmm....I guess I am not used to you modern women and your exotic sexual tastes. I have always found the ways of the Lord to be entirely satisfactory in all things. Acting like some lower life form is to me distasteful.

If the good Lord wanted us to act like dogs, He would have given us longer tongues and much hairier bodies. Shame shame! No wonder you all are finding so many men have ED. Its probably His punishment for your lascivious ways.

I suggest that a half hour of honest prayer with your partner prior to the sex act will free your minds of these disgusting thoughts and that your man will again feel the power of the Creator in his loins to the extent that the celebration of your union will prove entirely satisfying. Offering your thankfulness to Him afterwards will also grant you the peace needed to prepare yourself for the next expression of joy!"

AMEN !

Mad First Date

I don't think I'll be having a first date like this...

Being Hunted.

I find that if I spend a few hours on the dating site at various times of the day, I attract the attention of a steady stream of women.

Plenty Of Fish displays your profile when you are on line so people have a chance of seeing it by merely being logged on themselves. I would guess that quite a lot of people are fairly poor at doing searches so these opportunities for your profile to appear are very important if you want results. Obviously you need to have a good profile. Fortunately I get quite a lot of compliments on mine and I can assure you I am by no means an especially good looking fit guy.

Getting attention is clearly key to opening up a conversation with women looking to date, but it also brings challenges. Having around one woman a day approaching you is wonderful but it does mean you have problems juggling them all unless you are ruthless and openly reject all the women whose picture you don't automatically really like. Even then if you were to be ruthless in this way, you can easily find you are missing out on some lovely ladies. Remember people know people and a referred date or someone you met on a date with someone else is just as good as someone that came direct, especially if you end up marrying them !

Women have a harder time because they get a lot more approaches from men. Fortunately the standard of the average male profile is poor, the average male approach is terrible and a lot of men do not have much of a clue how to open a dialogue with a woman and make them feel comfortable. In other words, it is easy to get approaches if you tune in to what women want, and that may take some personal development on your part too..

People really do look a lot different in real life, and women often take really poor photographs of themselves or have few good ones to use on profiles. Photos distort features especially when taken with web cams, phones and by the subject themselves. Many women under sell themselves too. When you have met very attractive women whose profile pictures made you feel so so about them, you are less likely to want to reject others that don't look great on screen.

When you have several ladies approaching you and you are getting replies from those you have also approached, it can be a little over whelming. if you haven't discussed being exclusive with people assume they are free to date but you will also want to judge how you feel you should respond as a relationship develops. You don't really want to be cutting people off just because you have had a few dates with someone but you may want to slow things down with certain others whilst you give an existing date a good go. This juggling is probably the hardest part of the on line dating process to manage but learn to be good at it and remain sensitive to peoples levels of insecurity.

Key to this is your personal integrity and the way you convey yourself. Someone who brags about other women or has 000's of contacts on Facebook, talks about their line of conquests or is otherwise less than intelligent about what they say to women they may end up dating, is not doing themselves any favours. It is about them .. not you.

It is OK to let people know you are dating and talking to others, and this in itself can increase interest (as we know a lot of women like competition too and if you are good enough for others they may well want you more)but be careful.

Date one at a time (ideally) but let your dates know that you are talking to other people but that you are looking for a long term relationship. Be cool about women coming and going too, interest levels evolving etc. Be cool about your dating interests talking to other guys, indeed encourage it, perhaps along the lines of them needing to get some experience because you don't want them to feel they missed out on something when they fall in love with you after the first date ( :D )

You are a good catch and as such you trust them to know that even when they are meeting other guys. You don't need to be possessive but women do want to feel special and wanted, and of course they are because you are serious about dating them. Keep one eye on the reality that there is some showmanship and a cultural expectation of a chase, courtship, flirting and romance to go through here !

People get many a date from someone they previously thought was a dead and buried prospect, because they were nice,understanding of the challenges of on line dating, relaxed and left the door open albeit after probably showing some level of genuine interest in the lady in question.

You need to be able to act quickly. If a women comes back into your world with renewed interest, try date her immediately by engaging her far more confidently and extensively than may have been the case before. Equally, if someone new on the site is keen, get them engaged in conversation and on a date quickly too. Treat people as individuals and try to identify, qualify and respond to their dating and conversation needs.

As you are getting more serious with a person it is a potential minefield. You still need to keep your options open until the feelings are mutual. It is difficult to not seem too keen, or be going too slow, too fast, too whatever because everyone reacts differently, has different expectations, demands on their life. Somehow you have to negotiate this.

So
- Ladies improve your pictures and your profiles.
- Guys get on line at different times of the day, evening and night to raise your visibility.
- Don't be too keen to dismiss people on photographs alone. People look better in real life.
- You will get challenges around juggling different people. Manage them with integrity.
- Become hunted as well as a hunter.
- Play a long game but take short term opportunities with both hands when they arise.
- Keep your options open until you receive the level of commitment you want.
- Don't expect to be able to get it right all the time. You can only influence what happens.

Be hunted by making yourself visible and attractive to the ladies. Hunt by getting out there searching and approaching ladies you like the look of.

A forum post from a self diagnosed psychopath

"22 years old, almost 23. Finishing up a Masters degree with very good prospects and empirically handsome.

I have been with twelve women in my life, ten of them I had absolutely no attraction to at all with two having at least some. The longest relationship I have been in was barely two months long and even that wasn't particularly strong. I have lost vast swathes of friends over various relationships, most people actively dislike me and I do not find the majority of people interesting at all. I do however have what I would consider to be a high sex-drive. I have thought that I may be some kind of narcissist or psychopath but I think it is dangerous to self-medicate particularly when dealing with the mind.

So basically my question is, should I just pay for sex and stop thinking about relationships?"

Follow the rest of the discussion here...

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14137113.aspx

Psycho Wife and Abused Husband

This is an oddly presented series but the message is clear and very valuable.

I haven't been in a relationship like this. Men and women suffer from this, it isn't a gender thing. You'll find more like this on Youtube.

How To Tell If Your Boyfriend's a Psycho

Girlfriend Answering Machine

Worst Girlfriend Gets Engaged

Got Some This Weekend !

There you go.. I got me some on Sunday.  

The full work's ..there I was at 2 am in the morning in her bed staring at her shouting "fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,  come on just fuck me !"

She is early 30's and my god she was horny.   This one practically tore me apart in that bed of hers.   I have the scratches and moderately serious bite marks to nurse.

This does all sound like fiction but it isn't.  Somewhat surreal and at one or two points I certainly thought I was staring in my very own porn movie.   We've all been in that situation right ?

I'll fill out the details later so that is now two I owe you.

40 Mistakes Men Make While Having Sex With Women

Yes there are 20 more .. at least ....  these are not mine

1) NOT KISSING FIRST. Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR. Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING. You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs.When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST. Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.
5) BITING HER NIPPLES. Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts?
Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good.Pretending they're a dogie toy, isn't.
6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES. Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY. A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel.There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them someattention.
8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED. Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.
9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT. Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS. Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.
11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK. Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there,keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY. Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.
13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY. Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.
15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY. You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.
16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY. Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.
17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST. A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first.
18) GOING TOO FAST. When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool -she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly,with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
19) GOING TOO HARD. you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.
20) COMING TOO SOON. Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.
21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH. It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has somethi ng to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.
22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME. You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask
23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY. Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.
24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN. Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this.It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.
25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX. Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.
26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO. Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.
27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES. In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.
28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES. Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not.
Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. This is how men earn a reputatio n for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.
30) TAKING PICTURES. When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.
31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH. Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off.
Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.
32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS. There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.
33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES. If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.
34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE. Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.
35) GIVING LOVE BITES. is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.
36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS. Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.
37) TALKING DIRTY. makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know
38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES. have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.
39) SQUASHING HER. Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too she will turn blue.
40) THANKING HER. Never thank a woman for having sex with you.Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.Women, You should forward this to all your boyfriends/husbands foruninterrupted PLEASURE !!!

****** 50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex ********

Don't worry ladies.. men make at least 60+ mistakes in bed (obviously not me) .


Don't necessarily agree with all of these but it's all worth considering..


****** 50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex ********

1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid ****. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.

2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.

3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.

4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's not his fault.

5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.

6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.

7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.

8. Using Cosmo as a sex bible. I don't know who comes up with half that shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.

9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his****instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.

10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.

11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some ****. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.

12. Not shaving your legs. I'm pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.

13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.

14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.

15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.

16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up drywall".

17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.

18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, it's his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.

19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.

20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. There's an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.

21. Being too much of a **** to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his****in your butt.

22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.

23. Undressing in the dark. If you're shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.

24. Refusing to get on top. There's no reason men should have to do all the work.

25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.

26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.

27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when he's touching you. Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.

28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to stop, but don't look all ****ing surprised when he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?

29. Refusing to let him take control. So you're a feminist. Big ****ing deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.

30. Refusing to take control. It's ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things all the time.

31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis.

32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them.

33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.

34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty **** you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You get a great view.

35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and giggle at the memory.

36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.

37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it's hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It's how you deal with it that really matters.

38. Throwing a **** fit when he asks for a 3-some. It's the American dream. (I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).

39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really. Grab a bottle of water.

40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. It's another when you snag the goods with a claw.

41. ****ing when you get jizz on you. You're having sex. That will happen. That's the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and can't jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.

42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so he knows he's the best you've had, even if he isn't.

43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.

44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If you haven't showered that day, and things smell a little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you.

45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.

46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 1000 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll wash.

47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later. And really ****ing you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.

48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.

49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he's probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens to every guy". Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn't, get off another way with him. He's still capable of getting you off. Mumbling "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok.

50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of "was it good for you?". Now is not a good time to ask "What this means". Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.

The truth about men...from a woman's perspective

1. The nice men are ugly.

2. The handsome men are not nice.

3. The handsome and nice men are gay.

4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think
we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual,
don't think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat
nice and have money, are cowards.

10.The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money
and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER make the first move!

11.The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest
in us when we take the initiative.


Who can possibly understand men?

Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to
stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something
you'd like to have dinner with.

Pew

Many women like to be chased. It can be frustrating to work out where you really stand and one thing is for sure it is rarely as simple as some people would have you believe.

What Is Your Love Language

Apparently we all have a language of love.

I am physical... what are you ? .. take the test...it takes 30 seconds

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/30-second-quizzes/love

Invention Of Love - An Animation

10 Ways to Get a Guy to Ask You Out …

1. Be yourself No one likes deception
2. Extend that to external appearances too …wear what suits you
3. Accentuate your physical attributes …make the most of what you have
4. Take the initiative …get noticed flash a big smile and say "Hi"
5. Actions speak louder than words…Glance at him often and if he catches you looking, smile.
6. Find out what he likes….....and talk to him about that
7. Position yourself cleverly …get closer to him physically
8. Have fun by yourself too …...be seen having fun with others not constantly checking him out
9. Let him know you are available …let him know you are single
10. Discuss the right topics …like fun places to go out if he hasn't asked you out already

Put That Dating Fear Into Perspective

See how small we really are on the grand scale of things.

That date isn't so hard to arrange is it ? Live your life to the full. Feel the fear and do it anyway !

Real Bad Advice For Ladies

"Do nothing – Once you’ve made contact with him, it’s his job to follow up with you. You can reply to his calls, his emails, and his texts. You can say yes to him when he wants to make plans. But don’t initiate. A guy who’s crazy about you will let you know thru his efforts."

A guy does not get "crazy" about a woman on a dating site that he hasn't met yet. Something like 40% of women lie about their age, post old pictures etc. and you can't tell a lot about someone until you have met them a few times.

The dynamic of online dating (or otherwise contrived/arranged dates of any kind) is just as likely to make things go slower as it is to speed them up.

Some people put up their guard for one and many have friends and dating advice sites warning them of the perceived dangers as much as they may also be encouraging and enabling the process !

It may take several dates before he's 'crazy" about you. Follow a strategy like this and you will loose the attention of many decent guys that look for mutual respect.

A woman who makes the effort to initiate sometimes and takes personal responsibility for maintaining and developing a dialogue in a relationship is a attractive to modern men.

If you want success, it takes two to Tango.

3 Myths That Men Have About Women

By: Andrea Syrtash, Author of the Upcoming Book "He's Just Not Your Type (And That's a Good Thing)"

I’ve never believed in hard and fast rules in dating (or in life, for that matter) -- just smart strategies.There are some dating ‘rules’ floating out there that may actually get you into trouble! Based on interviews I've conducted with single women, here are a few of the rules that we wish men would forget:

Myth #1 – If you like a woman, wait three days to call her.
Swingers was a classic 1990s movie, but almost two decades later we’re still quoting Vince Vaughn’s character who confidently proclaimed, “Yeah, two (days) is enough not to look anxious. But I think three days is kind of money.” when referring to how many days should pass before a guy should follow up with a gal he likes. It’s time to ditch the three day rule! If you like a woman and have a great date, call her and ask her out for another one before 72 hours pass. Women these days lead dynamic and busy lives, and most (the ones you want to date, anyway) are not waiting around for you to get back in touch.
One of the biggest dating mistakes women say that men make is that they don’t take enough initiative. If you like a woman and want to invite her out again, waiting a few days to call may actually cost you a future date. And on that note, most women report that they would prefer an old-fashioned telephone call rather than a text message when asking them out. (A rule Swingers certainly couldn’t address in 1996!)

Myth #2 Women are only interested in guys with lots of money, over six feet tall and who add up perfectly on paper.
Some women may say they want a guy who conforms to a certain superficial checklist, but I have extensive research to support the fact that we ladies fall in love more emotionally than even we realize! A man who is thoughtful, smart, funny and charismatic who doesn’t have a ‘great’ job or look like a leading man has a great shot at finding love with a fabulous woman. Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities that anybody can have, regardless of his stats or resume - but don't confuse confidence with cockiness. Which leads me to the last myth…

Myth #3 Nice Guys Finish Last.
When people say that nice guys finish last what they really mean is that boring ones do. Nice and boring are not synonymous! Nobody wants to date a doormat with no opinions of his own but few self-respecting women want to be with a man who is not nice.
Kindness is consistently ranked as one of the top qualities people look for in a mate. Don’t be fooled into thinking you have to be a jerk to attract a woman. The reality is that if you act like a jerk to get a woman’s interest, you will attract someone who is insecure or someone who you may eventually lose respect for. (There’s nothing worse than treating someone badly and seeing her come back for more.) Women love kind men. You can be nice and bold. You can listen well and take initiative. None of these qualities are mutually exclusive. In fact, pairing confidence with sensitivity is extremely sexy.

www.andreasyrtash.com

3 Myths That Women Have About Men

3 Myths That Women Have About Men

By Evan Marc Katz, dating coach and author of the new book, “Why He Disappeared”

I’m not sure if your expectations of men are too high or too low. I know why you get frustrated with guys who don’t do what you want them to, but I’d like to suggest that most male dating screw-ups are crimes of ignorance, not malice. In fact, there’s usually a sizable gap between what we’re thinking and what you THINK we’re thinking. Which is why I’d like you to pay close attention to these 3 myths, which will let you know what’s really going through our heads on a date (usually nothing).

Myth #1 - He Knows What He’s Looking For.
You may or may not have a physical checklist, but your ideal man is probably taller, smarter, funnier and wealthier than you are. Men don’t work that way. We’re a lot simpler. In fact, if I were to distill the essence of men’s dating philosophy into one line, it would be this:
Men look for sex and find love. Women look for love and find sex.
That doesn’t mean he’s expecting you to sleep with him right away. It means he determines his attraction to you first, and sorts out his feelings later. You’ve seen this yourself. Guy makes a move on date one and doesn’t call back for date two. I’m not defending him. I’m just saying that you shouldn’t be too surprised if a guy kisses you and doesn’t know if he wants to see you again. Truth is, he hasn’t thought it through quite yet. All he knows is that he’s attracted to you and will act on it, regardless of whether he sees a future with you. You’re not wrong for wishing that men were more like you – you’re only mistaken for expecting them to be.

Myth #2 - He’s Looking for The Same Qualities As You Are.
This is one of the trickiest things to understand about men. You value men for being strong, brilliant, hardworking, financially successful, independent and opinionated. It’s not that men don’t value these qualities in you. It’s that they value your other traits more: easygoing, vulnerable, soft, feminine, playful, appreciative, warm, friendly, sexy. The good news is that men don’t dissect women nearly as much as you dissect men. Did you look cute? Did you flirt with him? Did he have fun? If so, he’s probably coming back for another date.

Myth #3 - He Knows What He’s Doing.
Sadly, there’s no feedback loop for men who are dating. So if a guy says something off-kilter and doesn’t get a second date, he never learns what he did wrong. As a result, men are not very well-trained in the art of dating. They don’t know that they’re supposed to make plans with you a week in advance. They don’t know that they’re supposed to make a decision instead of asking, “What do you want to do?” They don’t know that they’re supposed to ask you questions, listen to your answers, and not hijack the conversation with a monologue designed to sell themselves. In other words, most men are like overgrown 3rd grade boys: they’re dying to impress you and would pull your hair to make you like them, if they only knew it would work.
So give them a break. Whatever a guy’s doing, remember: he wants you to like him and he’s doing the best he can. “Forgive the ignorance” and appreciate him for what he does right instead of focusing exclusively on what he does “wrong”. Just as you’d like him to do for you.

www.evanmarckatz.com
Posted at 12:58 PM | Permalink
May 10, 2010

For The Ladies

Simple suggestions here and all with a tongue firmly in the cheek.

This list is probably as good as any from "dating" experts if only because it allows us all to fill in the gaps with (and reflect on) our own experience and expertise.

Where there is no experience (or doubt) it prompts us to go and find out what we need to learn and do in order to find true love and happiness.

All The Lovers - Part 1

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"M - Let me be very honest here hun - the last relationship I had was based on D/s - I loved it!

I enjoy being submissive when a man is dom enough to bring it out in me. I adore all things rope related, love being spanked and disciplinned and bloody nora I'm never going to find that on a vanilla site!! lol

OnlineDater - and yet he went back to his wife"
------------------------------------


Dating mail comes in two forms really. The replies to the approaches you made and people approaching you first.

So after a hectic 6 weeks or so ... here are all the lovers that were not to be or are simmering away in the background.

M or S. 32 Met her for an evening of drinking in her home town. I got drunk she was very very very fat and not attractive at all physically. She later revealed that she liked being tied up and dominated. That's her above. We are talking grossly overweight. Not just 3 stones ... you get the idea.

No sex from her older husband for years. He never went on holiday with her in 7 plus years of marriage and he was a lot older than her too. Split up. She met a magician.. had fling..

I suggsted she was on rebound still after only a few months out of her marriage and one boyfriend down already, defending her ex for the indefensible and taking everything said to heart as though it was a critisism of her rather than an expression of concern that she had not been treated very nicely.

After the date a few days went by .. then we cleared the air ..

m - you dont want a partner you want someone you can pull apart and who will agree with your every statement and hang on your every word while throwing themselves at your feet and begging to be shagged!

OnlineDater - er no ...evidence ?

M - Your entire attitude it screams that

OnlineDater - sounds like you are projecting you s/d on to me there

M - nope you dont have the makings of a dom, you dont have the strength of character for it

OnlineDater - ok im glad about that I dont want to dominate women in that way

M - no you just want to twist them into a mini version of you and dont like it when they wont be manipulated or impressed by your utterly charming persona

OnlineDater - evidence for that ? I think tying women up and dominating them sounds like a piece of piss to me .. but hey what would I know. I wanted nothing from you when we met other than some conversation

M - no you got well pissy when you were told you werent staying the night, you wouldnt let the subject drop and you even tried to guilt me into changing my mind so dont even pull that crap with me!

OnlineDater - lol .. ok dream on I dint offer to tie you up and degrade you did I ?

M - Trust me you arent a dream, you're the stuff nightmares are made of

Online dater - you are projecting again

M - you have no idea how to treat a woman, you drink like a fish and want to get laid - end of

Online dater - again was I too "charming" or was it because I didn't hurl insults and demand to tie you up ?
The last thing on my mind was getting laid

M - bollocks

We wished each other well and well, that was that. Her profile now asks for dominant men. All that from a nurse eh ... !

M - She was early 30's with a 7 year old daughter.

"Worn out after reading your profile not sure if we where to meet up that I would get a word in,lol off for a week dare I say to the Lakes. Have a look at my profile see if you fancy a chat."

Very pretty woman but she had clearly turned around a larger her by going to the gym and she was distant, unhappy and it showed through - unfortunately. Her father had disowned her as a teenager and you got the feeling that was a problem she still hadn't put to rest, such that she could love another guy. she had a a career, a daughter, her mother and siblings, friends nearby but she wasn't "happy".

Well we met . Short one in a pub one afternoon for an hour. She moved quickly to a meet with very little conversation in between. No time to build any rapport much less get to know each other before meeting. That means you end up fishing about for conversation and it is very easy to put your foot in it without the opportunity to qualify. Comes down to pure physical attraction really. No opportunity to strut your stuff.

If people are going to do this they need to be sure of themselves and robust. No point having a past that's too painful to look back into or a chip on your shoulder. Experienced guys and girls will want to know a lot about you and they see through the superficial stuff and want to get to the real you. the reasons your relationships have failed, why the father of your child isn't hanging around and what your relationship with your parents is like.

It is not that we don't appreciate the art of seduction, but we too want to move things on and can'r afford to be wining and dining the wrong people for weeks and months before we get to the detail. A lot of this detail can be covered initially over the telephone before a meeting so the date itself can be far more "fun" and less like an interview !

J. 32. Never married. No kids but had left her relationship and admirably gone to look after a friends after she died and her husband found it hard to cope. Intelligent woman, wasn't that physically attractive to me on closer inspection but you couldn't fault her heart. never met because she found another guy. Some guy, on superficial evidence has gotten himself a gem and that's nice ! However.. she is still logging onto the site.. Was it all a lie just to let me down nicely ? Who knows. It is hard to juggle several interested people at once.

S 41 We met in the pub after a few weeks exchanging superficial flirty mail and mainly texts. She is a big girl that wasn't about to be honest on her profile (said she was "average" but was fun. She really does need to loose some weight and realise that in her 40's she can be a sexy woman but there is competition out there for successful "nice" guys and most of them do not want someone that is many many many stones overweight. You struggle to find the correct aperture for sex..that's not good !

When the child is leaving home soon, ladies you have a great life ahead of you if you choose to go get it.. a bit of effort to loose 16 years of "don't give a shit" about your weight will pay dividends. You could see S was a cracker in her youth.

More in All The Lovers - Part 2 ...