"So, I've been dating a guy off and on for over two years and we can't seem to make peace with eachother on ONE thing (for the most part). He is really in to burlesque/strippers/porn all of that. We used to spend all our weekends together with each other only, but now he's going back to his old ways and making the local burlesque theaters his priority again. My question is, he tells me all the time that these other girls there are no threat to me, and that he goes because his friends go and because he finds it humorous, but I can't seem to curb the thought that he's just not fully committed to me at all, since he doesn't even respect my feelings on the matter. It's just frustrating and makes me really upset with him, and I want to be able to trust him more. What might it mean if a guy says "yes i DO love you, and only want to be with you, only want to COME HOME to you", but then.... goes to these kinds of things?........... is this a game or, maybe is he just not sure what he wants, and is trying to see what else is out there??"
An answer
"games? you asked about games... so.... what kind of game are you playing? let's see.... o yeah! it's that game where if your BF doesn't comply 100% with your demand, this is because it *must* mean he doesn't respect you or your feelings. but you want proof of his respect, and the only way he can possibly give it to you at this time is to let you control him in the exact manner that you approve of. because for some reason, it's not possible for you to accept at face value what he actually told you, or even to consider it as a possibility.
in other words, you have put your foot down. no compromise. you've discussed it with him, but you are unwilling to believe that he is telling you the truth. why is that? because your personal opinion is the only possible reality on your planet? your motivation for even having this discussion with your BF was not to understand his point of view, but merely to gain the compliance that you demand.
you say you want trust, but you are completely unwilling to be a trusting person. you think trust is a courtesy that another person can "give" you by letting you control them. so actually, the reason you remain frustrated is because of your lack of complete control, otherwise known as him Doing What You Want; but you project your feelings of frustration outward and call it his "lack of respect for your feelings". of course, the other possibility is that he is an inveterate liar, and then i would ask why you have put up with this for two years.
either way, i think you should let him go. find some guy who doesn't like to look at strippers. problem solved."
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