Major Love Rat's Double Life

True stories related to dating and relationships

Major Love Rat's Double Life

From: Heidi G, (31), Wolverhampton

I stared at the email on the screen in front of me in disbelief. "Yes, I do know Adrian Tissdell. He's my boyfriend. Why? Who are you?" My hands were shaking as I read it over and over again, hoping that I'd somehow misinterpreted it. But how could I misinterpret "He's my boyfriend"? But the thing was, as far as I was aware, Adrian Tissdell was my boyfriend!

I'd met Adrian online through Face Party. We'd got chatting when he sent me a message asking why I used the screen name Grimlet. We hit it off, so when I found out that his parents lived just around the corner from me, I invited him round for a coffee so we could chat properly. The chemistry between us was amazing right from the moment I opened the front door, and he charmed me so much that I found myself thinking about him constantly. He seemed perfect, and as the weeks passed and we started spending more and more time together, our relationship became even stronger. We saw each other for ten months, and things were going great between us. Adrian was in the Royal Military Police, based at Aldershot, so we had to make do with a long distance relationship, me being in Birmingham. But nevertheless, we still made time to see each other just about every weekend. I introduced him to my whole family, and my children - Pascal, 10 and Abby, 4 - adored him. Abby always got really excited when he was coming round. He took to my kids and really doted on them, which made me love him all the more. To find a good man when you're a single parent is a miracle, but to find one who actually made an effort with the kids - I thought I'd struck gold! Summer came around, and it was then that I noticed things starting to change. He seemed to have lost interest in me, making excuses for why he couldn't see me as often. When he did come and stay, he was always glued to my computer, covering up what he was doing when I caught him. Then the text messages started. Early one morning, I was awoken by the sound of a beep, and I opened my eyes slightly to see him feverishly pressing buttons. I rolled over and he quickly stopped and dropped the phone onto the bedside table. "Battery must be on its way out," he told me. "That was the warning noise." I knew it wasn't, so naturally my suspicions began to arise. After he had left to go back to base, I logged into my computer to check the internet history. Sure enough, he'd been chatting on Face Party, as I suspected. I went to browse members to see who he had been talking to lately, and found five screen names, all belonging to women. I looked at the profile of the first - a lady called Sandra who lived in Germany. I scrolled down and my eye was caught by her 'perfect partner' description. "My soldier," it said. My heart was thumping. This couldn't be a coincidence! I emailed her to ask if she knew Adrian, and within minutes she mailed back to say that Adrian was her boyfriend, and he stayed with her whenever he was over there on military business! I was devastated. We chatted on the phone that night for over four hours, and she told me that it was her that had been sending the texts in the mornings! He'd basically lived the same life with her as he had with me, getting to know her kids, telling her all the same things he told me - he'd even dedicated the same songs to her! Yet still, like an idiot I carried on seeing him. I loved him and found it hard to let him go. I guess I hoped he'd change and that I was the one he actually loved. That day, I'd also sent emails to the other women, but most had replied saying they'd chatted to him but nothing more. I was happy with this, telling myself that maybe Sandra had been someone he was seeing before he met me, and that it was over now. Things carried on as normal, Adrian visiting at weekends, and I soon started to fall for him again. But he was still different to the man I'd met at the beginning, nowhere near as affectionate as he had been. I put it down to the time we'd been together - couldn't expect him to stay loved up forever! But then, just when I'd put it all out of my mind, I got another shock. I logged into my email to find a message from a lady called Sally. "Yes, I do know Adrian Tissdell. He's my boyfriend. Why? Who are you?" Shaking, I emailed back, saying that I was his girlfriend, so she couldn't possibly be. I asked her when she saw him if they were together. She replied telling me that she lived near his base in Aldershot, and that when he went down there, supposedly to his home, he was actually with her! It was coming up to Christmas, and I'd decided enough was enough. He came round to visit and I confronted him about Sandra and Sally. "I haven't got any other women babe," he begged. "I love you don't I? It's you I want to be with." But I wasn't buying it, and I called him a liar. We argued for ages, then suddenly, he blew a fuse. He grabbed hold of me and hit me, pinning me against the wall by my throat. Then I fell to the floor and he kicked me, bruising my legs and arms, and damaging my wrist. I screamed for him to stop and eventually he left me alone, stumbling to a chair in the bedroom, in floods of tears. This time I wasn't going to fall for him sympathy tricks, and I called the Police. I didn't care that he told me our relationship would be over if I made a statement. As far as I was concerned, it was over anyway after all this. They arrived soon after and we were both taken to the station. I made statements, but they told me that as he was a Military Policeman. Any further action would be at the discretion of his commanding officer. I wasn't surprised when I found out he'd been let off. Adrian refused to speak to me after that and give me an explanation. I fully intended to get over him and start again, concentrating on my university Forensics course and not letting him get in the way of my success. But, only a couple of days later, I discovered that I was pregnant. I couldn't believe the timing of it - any other time in the last ten months I would have been thrilled. But now it was over and I'd have to raise the baby alone. I knew he wouldn't be interested in being a part of the baby's life, but still I phoned Adrian as I believed he had a right to know. I dialled the number but got a no number tone - he'd changed his number! I called his parents' house and they asked me who I was. "I'm his girlfriend," I replied. "Or rather I was. I need to let him know I'm carrying his baby." His dad scoffed at me. "We know Adrian's girlfriend. She's called Tash - we've met her. Just stop bothering him, will you?" Tash? Surely there couldn't be another one? But it certainly looked as though there was. Just how many women did this man have on the go? "Look," I spat. "I'm carrying your son's baby, and I think he needs to know. He can't just walk away from it." "His dad laughed again. "Well, what do you expect, getting involved with a soldier?" He hung up. Adrian did call me back later that day, but only to call me a slut and tell me that the baby wasn't his, and was probably one of my other bloke's! I was heartbroken! I devoted my life only to him and never been with anyone else while we were together! A few weeks later, I was struck with the most amazing pain in my stomach, and raced to hospital to find I had miscarried. I put it down to all the stress. I was devastated. Not only had I lost the man I thought was my future, I'd also lost my baby. I'm still in counselling over what happened but I'm starting to get myself back together. My little daughter Abby took it so hard when Adrian walked out because she adored him. She has nightmares now and often asked when Ade is coming to see her. I have to keep telling her he's ill. The strangest thing that has come out of this is that I'm now really good friends with Sally! She got rid of Adrian when she heard what he'd been up to, and now we chat online almost every day. I'm now back at University, studying hard for my Forensics degree. I'm determined to get my life back on track and not let that man ruin my life. I have to be strong for the sake of my kids - they've been through enough. I want to warn any women who are approached by a man under the screen name 'tainted_saint' on Face Party to steer clear! Don't be fooled by all the charm - not all soldiers are heroes!

Of course not all soldiers are heroes. A lot of policemen are twats too. This is a sad story but the author did have plenty of opportunity to kick this guy into touch and chose not to.

Sure the emotions are strong and it is easy to critisise, but having spoken at considerable length to the guys other girlfriend in Germany the author decided to excuse that and try and change the guy or "win" him from the other women. One could say she did a very silly thing especially given the involvement he had with her children.

The author is not especially young and of reasonable intelligence if she is off to study at university. Judge people more by their actions than their words.

The fact that many relationships don't last forever and that relationships evolve, doesn't in itself justify being overly guarded and suspicious when you find a new partner. It is perfectly possible to go into relationships with your eyes open and keep your feet on the ground, enjoy a relationship for what it is right now and have hopes and expectations it will last the test of time.

Some people seem to have all the defences and common sense up front then loose it. In reality we all need to remember that rain or shine we have to not become complacent in relationships whether that manifests itself in becoming convinced our partners feelings/behaviours are constant or impeccable or conversely we become too comfortable and allow ourselves to take our partner for granted.