Take Two - Stopping a Fight Before It Starts

Take Two - Stopping a Fight Before It Starts

Everyone screws up and says stupid things, especially to their partners. People get tired and snappy, irritable and defensive. They can be downright insulting.  Everybody can.  But before these negative moments can cascade and bring on World War III, smart couples realize trouble is brewing and immediately take steps to avert it.  They signal each other to stop or repair the damage before it escalates into a vicious out-of-control war.

Reality is, in a sense, like a "movie" we are making all the time.  If you want to make a great romance, you need to practice "rewinding the tape" when you don't like "the take." What this means is that you and your partner agree that either of you can call out "Take Two" whenever you are hurt or offended by an interaction.

And you both agree to start the interaction all over again and construct it in a more loving win-win way - make it a happy improv.

For example, Sheila dances out of the bedroom with her new sexy outfit on and calls for her husband, Terry, to check it out.  He is totally oblivious, reading the paper.  She rips the paper away.  He scowls, "What the hell!"  Instead of bursting into tears or attacking Terry, Sheila bites her lip and says, "Take Two!"

Terry takes a deep breath and nods. She goes back into the bedroom and makes a new entrance in her dress. "Ta Da!" she says.  "A knockout!!  Turn around," Terry responds with a chuckle.

If your partner has trouble saying the words you need to hear on a Take Two, teach him/her.

Remember, it's your responsibility to shape your partner to give you what you need.

This exercise works really well once you get the hang of it.  I use it all the time in my marriage to defuse the hot spots before they become World War III.